I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
