i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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