In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
