a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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