My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
