Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
