when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
