He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
