She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
