You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
