the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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