I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
