I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
