You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
