So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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