Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
