dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
