i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
