She is in my trunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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