I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
