____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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