my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
