Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
