sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
