she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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