those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
