I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
