we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
