well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
