Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
