That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
