Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
