My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
