Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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