i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
