My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
