did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
