dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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