i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
