dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
