grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
