Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
