My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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