You can't special order awesome
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
