I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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