And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
