I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
