dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you traded sex for a burrito?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
