I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
