It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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