Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
