I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
