Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
