So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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