Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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