we have pet lesbian snakes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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