Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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