I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
