its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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