A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
